Letters to him
by Ethan Demas
Summary: Letters I wrote to my ex-boyfriend and some insight to why I didn't post anything the last few months. If you guys want to know why, feel free to read. I'm human and therefore I make mistakes.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Anthony

I'm writing these letters to you because I have no way to contact you without seeming insane. I started to move on, and found a girl I really like, but she's not you. I shouldn't be comparing anybody to you, but I can't help it.

Amethyst, that her name in case your wondering, she's nerdy, beautiful and a gamer to boot! We are friends at the moment, but I hope to peruse something more in the future. She studies dermatology on med school and I have met her a few times, well I met her at a gaming thing. She's Xbox thought... so we might have a bit of a problem sometimes when it comes to Xbox vs PS4. We've been talking a lot lately, I don't feel so lonely anymore... well your not there...

Not talking to you for 3 weeks since our break up was hard, then you ignoring me broke my heart so I tried to mend it by finding somebody that can distract me and hopefully become what you have been to me. Its not perfect, but I suppose it will work for now. I still have a few friends willing to out up with me, thru all my shit.

I hope your doing good, well actually I hope your doing great. Don't stress, your smart and anything you have ever tried turned out a success, with minor exceptions here and there. I heard you passed extremely well, scoring 80's and 90's like I told you, you would. Work hard and always believe in yourself, even when it seems the world is against you, I'll also always believe in you.

I will always love you, no matter what.

Drenith

All things are destined to fall into darkness, into depravity as we deny our destiny. Some will fall further than others, never making their way back. Yet there are the few that will fall to the centre and find a balance between depravity and hope, becoming a maverick.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Anthony

I hate myself, I hate what I have done and what I am becoming. I lost myself more than once and hurt so many people including you.

I wanted to take the easy way out and just die, but you had to go and make sense. A friend also made me promise not to do anything stupid. So I am trying my best, but its hard being such a failure in the eyes of everybody. There's just nothing left to give me motivation to work harder or seek a silver lining of this dark grey cloud looming over me, casting my life into a shadow.

You know my deepest secrets and my biggest fears, but the only fear I have is loosing you, and I have already done that. There is no way around this and to be honest, more and more of my fears are becoming a reality. I think I might be living in hell, a relatively evil one that gives me hope and then crushes me to pieces along with all my dreams.

Oh, I met a good friend online, just like how I met you. He's from America, but we talk almost every week on the phone and we do video calling. He's a cool guy and always tries to motivate me, but like I said, it doesn't work. Tristan is awesome, he really is, but I am scared I might hurt him, he's already so hurt.

I don't want to hurt anybody, especially you. I will always love you.

Drenith

My life crumbles before your eyes, my soul is torn to shreds... You see, yet you do nothing, but I forgive you, because I do it for you. You are my soul, my life and my light. Shine on in this dark world, never forget me.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Anthony

Hey, I wrote you a poem expressing how I feel, hope its not too much to ask, but can you read it? Haha, who am I kidding? This letter will never arrive to you.

Love you always

Drenith

I feel like my life is rehearsed

My soul had been cursed

From the day I was born

To the day my heart was torn

They say time will ease the pain

But I all hear is indistinguishable sounds

Feeling like their is nothing left to gain

Where mountains become hills and hills become mounds

Eventually everything fades to dust

To find a propose to live I must

Its harder then it seems

Forever you are in my dreams

In fantasies you still want me

In nightmares you are what I want to flee

I should have known

Secrets are the seeds of misfortune

Breaking your life apart once grown

Creating a life long distortion

Things said cannot be unspoken

Even when you were never dishonest

Once perfect now lay broken

The life you once promised

I should move on

But its hard to fight addiction

My hearts true desire

Your words I still admire

Still my hearts affliction

No... Masks I shall no longer Don!

This is it, my Redemption!

Building a path with Determination!

I need no Salvation!

Because this is a demon of my own Creation!

I will longer be set to Stagnation!

No more Procrastination!

My goal is set for Completion!


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Anthony

I have started writing a story about what my emotions was immediately after we broke up. I'll attach a small part of it underneath this letter if you want to read it. Just imagine me reading it like I used to read stuff for you.

I remember how you said you hate typing on a pc, how you loved calamari and how you talked to your PC. You've taught me much and I appreciate it, but you leave me wondering. Have I taught you anything except bad things? Did I ever do something good? I don't feel like I have and for that I have to say sorry.

I would do anything to make up to you and I would be the best friend to you. I don't care, as long as I have you somewhere in my life, I will be content. Its been my biggest desire since then.

Be safe and take care of yourself.

Drenith

"I wanted to be the good guy, but how can I be one without a villain? So I became the villain, I'll be the darkness so you all can see the light. I'm sorry it had to come to this, that everything has become this far out of control. I just want you to know, that I love you Anthony, none of this is your fault." Kaylip said, a soft smile on his face.

The camera focused on the small island in the distance behind him as he turned to face it once more, this time his face seemed livid as he glared at the camera.

"You all say that being who you want to be is so wrong. That the entire Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and the rest of the marginalized gender identity and orientations are so wrong. Well, let me erase a piece of history that was worse than what that group represents to all you unaccepting bastards out there." He snarled, pressing a button.

The island was light up by a powerful explosion, erasing the top of it from existence along with anybody or thing that was on it. Robben Island was not nothing more than a barren lifeless rock in the middle of the ocean, its history erased.

"Now, I'm telling all you fuckers this. Change your ways and accept people for who they are or the next thing you might find erased from the planet is your city." He glared. "Oh and start pushing it on any of those communities, and I'll personally find you and kill you like I did to those guys who tried to stop me."


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Anthony

Its been a while, I know you broke contact with me because of my obsession of having you fit in my life. Normally I would begin off with how great you made my life and how much you supported me, but you already know that being the person who did it all. No, I just want to ask your forgiveness for all the things I have put you through and all the pain I caused.

I realised what you said after only coming across the song you sent me 2 months after I said what I said. I don't think I could have handled all that pressure like you did, I remember you broke down twice because of it. Most of it is my fault, I should have been more aware of what you said. I was stupid to not read in between the lines or at least look up those phrases you sent me.

Only now do I understand how you feel, how you felt since you have left me. Maybe not completely, but know this, I am sorry for that. I am sorry you feel like you don't belong in your own family, that even thought they adopted you and chose you to be their son, the didn't accept a part of you. I was selfish wanting to keep clinging to you, I still do want you to talk to me, but its impossible now.

Your not meant to be perfect, we all make mistakes and fail sometimes, its only human to do so after all. I admire you for the way you are able to push yourself to please your parents, sacrifice whatever you need to in order to satisfy them, but you shouldn't always. Be happy for yourself, live like you want and love who you want to, because in the end its your life.

Being bisexual is not your fault, but you can't deny a part of yourself because society thinks its wrong. You hurt yourself too much, and all I ask is that you stop and consider yourself for once. Not others, but yourself. Your an amazing person, loving, gentle, smart, funny and loyal. Whoever wins your heart has gotten something extremely special, a treasure beyond words.

Stay safe and always be you, even if I know I might never be a part of it again, I wish nothing but the best for you. It is the only thing you deserve.

I will always love you.

Drenith

I fight to feel

My heart made of steel

With emotional and mental pain I have to deal

Yet there is nobody to help me heal

Set in a land far, far away

Heart ready for a new journey

But my mind is set to stay

Saying I am not worthy

I fear the road

Disasters in my path foretold

Me, myself and evil to behold

Money...

Its a curse

I find it in every universe

Covering darkness in honey

When its reality is sour

To survive you need power

So it all comes back to money

Close we are, set

In the light of a bet

Lies are told, love

Too pure to behold

I was disposable...

You are unobtainable

Hate

Thy Fate

Don't just fall

Learn to crawl

Life is here

For we must presevere


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Anthony

This might be one of the last letters to you, I'm not sure. Not about life, not about me not about anything.

I'm at another low, hating the world doesn't describe what I feel. I tried to call you on Saturday at 11:47am, but you ignored my call. It hurts so much, I just don't know what to do anymore. 4 moths ago we broke up, 2 months ago you blocked me and my life has been going down the drain faster than water gests sucked up by the Sahara desert. My dreams are fantasies about dying and not having to feel so empty anymore.

Amythest? She cheated on me with a friend of mine. So yah that ended pretty fast. Tristan started ignoring me after I told him that I have a girlfriend, I think he wants me to be happy but he's hurting me so much. You've been missing from my life for two months now... I want to die, I want you to kill me, I just don't want to feel anymore.

Please Anthony make it end...

I love you

Drenith


End file.
